Aug 24, 2022
Nurturing mental health during back-to-school season
A psychiatrist offers tips on parenting with empathy and honesty
Back to school has always been a time of excitement for children. As summer turns to fall, kids look forward to trips to the store for new clothes and the latest bookbag or lunchbox, coupled with the anticipation of re-connecting with classroom friends.
But it also can be a time of anxiety. Worries about moving up to a new school or finding a new classroom and whether the new teacher and classmates will “like me” may also concern youngsters.
More than two years of the COVID-19 pandemic have added another troubling layer of unknowns for children and their parents. Young people may wonder if their learning will be interrupted by sporadic outbreaks, whether they should wear masks, and whether they will be infected.
Kids have lost more than the opportunity for a traditional educational experience since the pandemic began, observed Dr. Tracy Mullare, a Blue Cross Blue Shield of Massachusetts child psychiatrist. Their development may have been interrupted.
“Two years is a long time in the socialization of kids — understandably, they have less life experience than adults to fall back on and their social skills are underdeveloped.”
With empathy and patience, parents can help kids make up for lost social development, as well as cope with anxiety, and prevent negative behavior. Following are tips from Mullare.
Signs of anxiety and how to help
Identifying anxiety and depression early on and providing love, support, and mental health care, if needed, is key.
- Children who withdraw from family members, their friends, and activities they usually enjoy may be experiencing negative feelings.
- Younger children who have accidents after being successfully potty trained may be troubled.
- And children who act out or harm themselves or others need intervention.
While parents should never hesitate to contact their pediatrician with questions or concerns about their child’s behavior, the first step for mild behavioral issues is for the parent to have a conversation with their child.
As parents we have to create a space for our children to express themselves, to ask questions and share their concerns
advises Mullare.
She cautions against parents trying to “fix” issues: “After all, we couldn’t ‘fix’ the pandemic. Children understand Mom and Dad might not have all the answers, but we can share with them our life experiences, our perspective and suggestions that will help guide them to the right choice.
Take time to process and listen
Back-to-school time often provides a perfect opening to engage with children, gauge their anxiety level and begin a conversation as schools tend to send information about the new year home in late summer.
Parents should take some time to process information, then share it with their children, asking questions to determine how the child is feeling.
“The conversation could start with something like, ‘things are changing again at school, let’s figure it out together,’” said Mullare a mother of a school-aged child herself.
The key, Mullare says, is collaboration. The instinct to protect our children, to provide solutions, to “fight their battles” is almost primal for parents. Helping them to learn how to cope with life’s challenges through dialogue better prepares them to deal with the current situation, those that may arise in the days, weeks, and months ahead, and for adulthood.
It's ok to be vulnerable
That instinct to shield our children from negative experiences and feelings often leads parents to hide their own vulnerabilities, which can be a mistake.
“If we are asking our children to be open and honest in sharing their emotion, we have to be honest and open with our own,” urged Mullare. “Parents can model the behavior we want to see in our children, they need to see us coping with our problems. It’s all right to express our concerns in an age-appropriate manner, to be worried, to be honest with our children and for them to see us coping with those feelings by spending time with a partner or friend and coming up with a way forward.”
That includes modeling coping mechanisms that can help anyone – child or adult - when the world is overwhelming, such as taking a break and spending some time doing something relaxing, such as reading, crafts, talking to a friend or relative.
“Taking time to care for yourself is okay, and it’s important for your child to see you doing that,” said Mullare. Encourage your child to color, call a grandparent, or simply run around outside when they are feeling sad or anxious.
“Change can be a challenge for most of us, but our children are still developing the skills and experiences that help us deal with transitions,” said Mullare. “Working together, openly sharing their feelings, parents and children can find a path forward.”
5 Tips for Parents to Support their
Child’s Mental Health
- Model the behavior you want to see in your child
- Engage in and encourage honest conversation about feelings
- Don’t fix it – help your child find the answer
- Watch for withdrawal - pulling back from friends, family and favorite activities may be a warning sign
- Ask for help from your child’s teachers, pediatrician and mental health experts
Are you a Blue Cross Blue Shield of Massachusetts member who is looking for a therapist? Call 1-888-389-7764 or use our Find a Doctor & Estimate Costs tool to find licensed therapists. You can also explore other mental health resources, such as virtual therapy platform Brightline, on the mental health section of Blue Cross’ website.